HOW DO YOU DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS?
time out – spanking – nose in the corner – grounding – soap in the mouth - take the car keys – take away the IPod, PSP, Xbox & cell phone – make your kids watch Tell tubby re-runs
My oldest son, Coletrain, went through a period a while back where his attitude was awful, he was lazy, defiant, sassy, mean, argumentative, aggravating…would you like me to go on?
I was about to pull my hair out (as if I have any to pull out)! I tried every form of discipline that you can imagine, but nothing seemed to work! How did I parent through this? IT WAS NOT GOOD! I was all over him; I was demanding, mean, visibly frustrated and sharp tongued. I had hit the proverbial ‘parenting wall”! So after thinking, praying and hitting my head against the wall I decided to try something weird, strange, counter cultural and IRRATIONAL! I chose to radically and IRRATIONALLY SERVE him. I went above and beyond!
Over time this transformed our relationship! Cole was no longer lazy; he wanted to serve the family (that’s a miracle in itself). He became a kid that walked in humility, respect, kindness and love…but he still loves to aggravate (he gets that from his dad). I was transformed as a Father. I eagerly woke up each day looking for ways to serve Cole.
My kids still get disciplined, I have not done away with it…but when it is appropriate BE AN IRRATIONAL PARENT and choose serving over discipline!
IDEAS ON SERVING YOUR KIDDOS...
- Help them with chores, or better yet…do their chores for them and still pay them
- Ask them if you can have 5 of their friends spend the night
- Cook their favorite meal
- Let them skip school and take them snowboarding, to a movie, out to eat, you get the idea…
- Start the day with “how can I help you or what can I do for you today”
CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONVERSATION: SHARE YOUR IDEAS ON HOW TO SERVE KIDS
Chris- I really needed this post. Randy and I have definitely hit the “parenting wall”. Having four kids and each responding differently makes parenting tough enough. We want to discipline out of Godly love (which is exactly what you have shown), but sometimes it is so hard to determine the best discipline or just when to serve(which I hadn’t thought of).
What has helped you the most in deciding when to discipline and when to serve? Your description of Cole is the same for 2 of my children. Randy and I have felt like none of the disciplining as worked either. Thanks again for being so “REAL”
I’m just curious what that looks like for a 1 year old and a 2 year old. I know the times when I get quite stressed with them and go straight for the discipline isn’t always productive, but sometimes I just don’t know what else to try. Both of my boys are angels most of the time and then when they turn into “boys” I just don’t know how to handle it. I do my best, but I want them to feel loved and respected so they will know how to show it. I know sometimes I crush their spirit. I just don’t know a different way to react.
Thanks for the verse. Am I now trying to win the apporval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
Never thought of that. With one teenager, one preteen and two more on their heels, this is great advice. Thanks. I’ll let you know how it works.
I really appreciate what you’re saying here. I find with my child, that when I am unconditionally loving, I can turn his attitude around in a manner of minutes. When I am strict (some might say stubborn) he just digs his heels in further. Parenting for me is about a relationship, not a rule of law. I’m glad to see a Christian parent who understands applying the gospel message to parenting. Not something you see very often.
WOW! I’m pretty sure you’ve been in my house lately. The way you described Cole is EXACTLY how my 7 year old has been acting lately. Can’t wait to try this and see how he responds to it.
I’m glad I re-read this today so that I could see that you said, “over time this transformed our relationship.” I tried this last night with my 14 year old son. We have hit the wall with our four kids, mostly regarding their attitude about each other and about chores/helping around the house.
So, last night was trash night and, as usual, our son played video games and watched t.v. and did not ever think to empty trash cans. This is something my husband has decided he does not want to have to remind him of since it is one of his jobs that he gets paid for. However, every singe week, we have to remind him or it will not get done.
At bed time, I emptied all of the trash cans and I let him know that it was all ready for him to put out in the morning. I didn’t complain, didn’t have an angry attitude. He mumbled, “ok.” Then, this morning, I asked him to please pick up his dirty clothes off of his floor and make his bed before he left for school. I decided to go ahead and serve him again by taking the trash down to the road for him. Just before he left, I asked him if he had picked up his clothes and made his bed and he replied “no.” Not, “oops, I forgot!” or “oh….sorry, mom, I’ll go do it now.” No, just “no” and then he left. This is very frustrating. He is so unappreciative!
I guess I will give this some more time. Any advice would be appreciated!