I had an amazing opportunity over the past couple of weeks to speak at 2 different youth camps.  It was an honor to speak into the lives, encourage and love on these kiddos!  We saw hundreds of students give their lives to Christ, confess hidden secrets, be honest about pain and reconcile with their parents.  God truly moved heaven and hell and worked in these kids lives in a powerful, life saving way!

I was excited, encouraged and absolutely blown away by what God did, but at the exact same time I was broken, saddened and angry!

I was broken because of all the kids that were cutters.  I was broken because  of all the kids that struggled with porn.  I was broken because of all the kids that drank, used and were addicted.

I was sad because of all the kids that had been molested.  I was sad because of all the kids that said they felt worthless.  I was sad because of all the kids that hate how they look.

I was angry because of all the kids that lived in divorced homes.  I was angry because of all the kids parents that were in the middle of a divorce.  I was angry because of all the broken parent – kid relationships.  I was angry because many of the kids don’t trust their parents.  I was angry because most of the parents didn’t have a regular date night set aside for their kiddos!  I was angry because most of the parents had no idea their kids were cutting, using, looking at porn and felt worthless.

FYI…

most of these kids were not extreme kids or extreme cases.  just everyday, ordinary, good kids that grew up in church.

If I had to really nail down why i was so upset over all the pain is because of the breakdown of families, that many kids don’t trust their parents and don’t feel like they can tell their parents what is really going on in their lives.

Parents!!!  We MUST get neck deep, dirty, in the trenches and talk to our kids about real stuff and find out what is going on in their lives…

So here is where we will start.

10 QUESTIONS THAT EVERY PARENT MUST ASK THEIR KIDS

1. Do you trust me?  (why or why not)
2. Where have I failed you as a parent?
3. What 3 things can I change so that I can be a better parent and build (or re-build) trust?
4. Do you feel like you have to lie to me?  If so, why?
5. Do you struggle with an addiction?  (porn, alcohol, lying, drugs…you get the idea)
6. Have you ever cut?  (so many of the youth pastors at camp were blown away by the number of “good kids” that cut)
7. Have you ever been molested?  (so many of the kids had been touched inappropriately by friends, dates and relatives but they never say anything because they think it is their fault)
8. Do you think your beautiful/handsome or ugly?  (Read Psalm 139 with them)
9. How do you feel about mom and dads relationship?
10. Do you feel like you can tell me the truth about what is going on in your life?  (if not, why)

Parents, this is not a time to get mad, frustrated, blame or punish.  We have to open the lines of communication with our kiddos, so this is where you simply listen, love, encourage, ask forgiveness and how you can help!!

If you are the parent of younger kiddos, tweak the questions so they will be age appropriate and start building trust and communication at a very young age.

Would love to hear your comments.  Do you step into or back away from having hard conversations with your kiddos?

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Looking for creative ways  to talk to your kids about tough stuff, you might check THIS post out!

I wrote a post yesterday called “Give Your Kids Everything They Want”!  I don’t really believe that we should do this, but the truth behind this post is to “Teach Your Kids To Be Accountable For Their Words”!  Team Sprad is dealing with this in a hot and heavy way right now so this topic is first and foremost on my parenting radar.

“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak…” Matthew 12:36

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” Proverbs 21:23

I believe that many parents teach their kids how to brush their teeth, make their bed, drive a car, have proper table manners (although Team Sprad rarely uses them), to read God’s Word, that words destroy but few parents really teach their kids to be accountable for the words they say.

For example…

“I never get to have friends spend the night”:  Is that really a true statement or is it just an emotional outburst.

“Dad works too much and I never get to see him”:  This could be true, but have you calculated his hours at work, home and how much time he spends playing with the kids.  If it is not true, you kids should be held accountable for their words.

“I don’t want to go to church anymore”:  Do they really not want to go to church anymore?  Do they really want to cut off one of the most valuable life giving moments of their childhood?  If they don’t want to go to church because it is boring, might be time to find another church.

“Mom and dad, you guys argue too much”:  Do you really argue to much or are they just emotional and reacting to an elevated conversation that you guys have had?

“My dad is always on the phone”:  This one is usually true, so lets move on!

“I hate my brother”:  Do you really hate him or are you just upset because of a disagreement you are having over Lincoln Logs.

“I cant stand my teachers”:  Do they really dislike their teachers or are they just mad because they held your child accountable for a homework assignment.

Ok, so I know I may be going a bit over board here and I am probably over reacting due to the “careless words” week I have had, but I am realizing that many times I allow my kid’s words to go in one ear and out of the other without truly listening and holding them accountable and challenging what they say.

As parents, we should allow our kids to have emotions, get their mad on, get frustrated and verbally vent…

But do you think your kids should be held accountable for their words?

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This week, my youngest son, Tifton Jack (AKA…Jackhammer) spent some time with some friends and he was disgusted how one sibling was treating the other.  Tifton is introverted and a man of few words, but when he does speak up, you better listen!  On the way home from Tifton’s friends, our conversation went something like this…

JHAMMER: “Dad, it made me sick to my stomach today, to see how “Steve” treated “Jayne”. (names have been altered to conceal the victims true identities J)

SPRAD: “Did you say something to them? Did you ask Steve to stop treating his sister that way”?

JHAMMER: “Yeah”

SPRAD: “What did he say”

JHAMMER: “Nothing”

Did I mention, he is a man of few words?

JHAMMER: “So I went and told their parents how bad Steve was”.

JHAMMER: “Dad, did you know that there is a difference between ‘tattling’ and ‘telling’”?

JHAMMER: “And sometimes you just need to tell”.

I love it!

Parents!!  Sometimes your kids just need to “tell”?

• Teach your kids to TELL on bullies.
• Teach your kids to TELL when strangers talk to them or take pictures of them.  (this happened to my daughter, you can read the post HERE)
• Teach your kids to TELL when their friends are taking drugs or drinking.  (it might save a life)
• Teach your kids to TELL on themselves when they do something wrong (teach them the new win is honesty, honesty over comfort)
• Teach your kids to TELL when a pastor, teacher or someone of influence asks them to behave inappropriately.
• Teach your kids to TELL if a boy treats them harshly or violently.  (Teach this now)
• Teach your kids to TELL if a friend of the opposite sex abuses them.

When do you think it is appropriate for your kids to “TELL”

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Parents, take some time to teach your kids (all ages) this verse and walk them through the 3 points below…

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. ~ Psalm 139:13-16

PARENTS, TEACH YOUR KIDS…

• GOD DOESN’T MAKE JUNK: Teach your kids’ that God is their creator.  HE gave them blond hair, HE gave them chicken legs, HE gave them big muscles, HE gave them their unique personality, HE gave them long hair or lack of (thanks God)!!   HE gave them the ability to sing, play basketball and HE is even the one that gave them the ability to show off their sweet dance moves!

• STOP WALKING IN THE NOT ENOUGHS: As kids get older they have the tendency to fall into the “not enoughs”.  I am not tall enough, strong enough, cute enough, funny enough, voluptuous enough or popular enough.  At a young age, teach your kids to pray and intentionally thank God for their looks, personality, humor, confidence, weakness (makes us rely on HIM) and our sweet numnchuck skills!  Teach them to thank God for his gifts and how He created them.

• YOU WILL MAKE A CHOICE: God has created and equipped your kids to impact, effect and change the world.  They will have the opportunity to use the gifts and passions that God has given them BUT he will not force  them, they will have to choose.  I love teaching my kids that God has created them to change the world, but every single day they have to make the choice to use the gifts and passions God has given them

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Team Sprad was driving downtown Steamboat Spring about 8 years ago.  My oldest son Cole, who was 4 at the time, screams to the top of his lungs…

Mom!!!  I have finally figured it out!

I know why God created me, I know what my purpose in life is!

(how many of you in your 30′s & 40′s are still trying to figure out your purpose)

Cole screams out, “God has created me to preserve the animals of the rain forest and to protect their natural habitat from bad stuff and bad people”!   “That is my purpose on earth”!

I laughed so hard I cried.  I loved his confidence, freedom, passion and determination to do what God put him on this earth to do.

One of our goals as a parent must be to teach our kids that God has created them for a reason, that he has a purpose and calling on their life.

This week @ EpicParent we will be outfitting you with tools and resources to help you breath purpose and calling into your kid’s lives!

HOMEWORK: Get eye level with your kiddos and tell them that God has created them for a purpose and he has a plan for their life.  Get in the habit of saying this over and over!

DID YOUR PARENT’S TEACH YOU GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE?

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Every Wednesday and Thursday night Team Sprad huddle’s around the TV and we feed on our favorite addiction…

AMERICAN IDOL

That’s right, I confess!  Team Sprad is addicted to American Idol.

I thought this season would be a big fat zero since Simon Cowell decided to move on, but it has been great!  The judges chemistry works and the talent is off the charts.  I thought I would miss Simon’s crude comments but it seems that Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson have a different strategy this year…

TO SPEAK LIFE

The more I watch I am blown away at how careful they are to critique, how they choose their words wisely and they typically speak life into most of the contestants…even the really bad ones!

As parents, we must learn to do the exact same thing!  Speak life into our kid’s heart, soul and mind.

“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Proverbs 18:21

So…

• Dad’s, kneel down and look in your kid’s eyes and tell them you love them
• Mom’s write your kiddos a note and stick it in their lunch box or car
• Overlook your kids flaws because they are a work in progress
• Tell them they are history makers and world changers
• Speak life by telling them they are leaders not followers
• Tell them your a mom/dad to world changers
• Help them understand they are not trend followers but trend setters
• Let them know they will be used by God in supernatural ways
• Say “I believe in you”
• Dad’s, tell your daughter she is beautiful and tell your boys they are heroes

Our children need us to believe in them, encourage them and tell the truth about who they can become…

So thanks to Steven, JLo & Randy for the parenting tips!

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WARNING: THIS IS NOT A VERY MACHO POST TODAY!!

My mom came to visit Team Sprad despite the cold and snowy conditions of Steamboat Springs, Colorado.  We had a blast!  We laughed, cried, reminisced, she helped Mr. Mom out w/ laundry  and we said our final goodbye’s just a few hours ago.  We all were sad to see na ~ na go, but my daughter, Kylie,  had the toughest time of all.  Here is the conversation Kylie and I had before we dropped na ~ na off at the airport…

Kylie:     (sobbing)

Dad:        “What’s wrong baby”

Kylie:     “I am just sad that na~na has to leave”

Kylie:      “It is just hard and I will miss her so much”

Dad:         (I wiped Kylie’s tears, gave her a papa bear hug and simply sat there until the tears ran out)

Dad:         “Kylie, tell na~na your going to miss her”

Kylie:       “I just don’t want to cry”

Dad:          “It’s okay, go ahead, share your heart and tell her how you feel”

STOP RIGHT THERE!!!

let me say that one more time…

Dad:          “It’s okay, go ahead, share your heart  and tell her how you feel”

We are afraid of telling people how we really feel!  We are scared of being vulnerable, were not macho if we share our hearts, its just awkward telling those we love that we truly care!

Kylie:         (she walked into the hotel room and threw herself in na~na’s arms)

Na~Na:      “What’s wrong Kylie”

Kylie:          “I just love you so much, I never get to see you and I am going to miss you really, really bad!”  (as she sobbed )

I was super proud of Kylie for stepping into the pain, awkwardness and sharing her heart!

WHO DO YOU NEED TO SHARE YOUR HEART WITH TODAY?

• Your spouse
• Son
• Daughter
• Best friend
• Boss
• Mom
• Dad
• Mentor

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