defining moment: a point at which the essential nature or character of a person, group, etc., is revealed or identified.
Several days ago I had a “defining moment”. This moment was rough, ugly and very revealing. The story goes something like this…
Team Sprad was riding in the car listening to Toby Keith (have I ever said that were sort of redneck) trying to decide where to go to lunch. As we were talking I started in on everyone. I was aggravating them, teasing them and pushing them to the brink. This is has been a “way of life” for me for many years. I love to pester, push and see if I can get people riled up. As I was in the middle of my “session”, the mood of my fam turned. The kids started to confront me! Years of my “pestering” had finally pushed them to where they couldn’t stand it any more. “Dad, were sick of this”! “We don’t know if your teasing or being for real”! “Dad, you may think this is fun, but I hate it”! “Dad, you have taught Cole to do this same thing and we can’t stand it”!
I then retreated into a martyr role. I can’t stand martyrs, can you? And, I can’t believe I am sharing this with you, but this is a message that everyone needs to hear. I said, “well, if you want a boring dad, I can be that kind of dad from now on”! (how stupid am I…not really an epicparent move)
This is where mama bear stepped in! She simply looked at me and said, “Chris, the kids are done with your aggravating. I have sheltered you for years from how they really feel about this. You need to be quiet and listen to what they have to say”.
As I said earlier, this was a defining moment for me!
defining moment: a point at which the essential nature or character of a person, group, etc., is revealed or identified.
This was not only a defining moment for me, but it was a very heavy moment. I suddenly realized that what I thought was so fun and harmless was actually destroying my kids’ heart and soul. I have also taught my oldest son the ways of a relentless teaser. After taking a few days to process that day in the car, I walked away a broken father. I was guilty as charged! I can say that I have not teased my kids one time since this incident and I truly believe that I am a changed man. The reason that I am changed, is because Jodie stepped out of the way and let me feel the consequences of my actions.
I am so thankful that Jodie moved out of the way so that I could experience and feel the full weight of my kids emotions, anger and disappointment. I encourage all parents to get out of the way! Allow your spouse to feel the weight of YOUR kid’s disappointment.
- If your husband works too much, don’t give excuses for his behavior. He needs to feel his kid’s disappointment.
- If your wife is a “screaming mom”, she needs to know that she is wounding her kids and they don’t want to be around her.
- If your spouse is an addict, they need to know they are not hiding anything. The kids know!
- If your kids are upset because mom or dad is never around, don’t hide this.
- If mom or dad never go to church with the family, allow your spouse to feel the kid’s confusion
My behavior has changed, but only because Jodie got out of the way and allowed me to feel the depth of my kids disappointment in me.
**Please note that I am not talking about allowing your kids to get involved in dangerous or volatile situations!
Do you get in the way? Would love to hear your story! Share your comments.
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