EpicParent.tv – Honest • On the Edge • Creative Parenting

I’m fed up!  I’m done!  And I am sick of this behavior!

This will NEVER happen in the Spradlin home again!!

Last week my youngest son, Tifton Jack, stole some money from my wife’s purse because he wanted to buy some new Star Wars Lego’s thingy…

We caught him red handed and decided to do the unthinkable!!

Jodie and I made him a sign that said “I stole $20 from my mom…and lied about it” and we made him carry this sign and walk up and down main street!!

I think he has learned his lesson. (more…)

Today’s post is from my mate Miles Paludan.  Miles is an Aussie from down under, but now lives in Edmond, Oklahoma where he is the Campus Pastor of LifeChurch.tv Edmond.  Miles has been a great friend over the years!  We have laughed together, walked through incredibly difficult times together, snowboarded together and plan to hit the Gold Coast together!  He is a tremendous friend, leader, pastor, father, husband and he is truly the real deal.  Miles better half is Bonnie and she is a true Saint!  And as you can see from the pic, they have 5 ankle biters (kids)!  What a great family!  It is an honor to call them friends and if you would like to connect with Miles, you can find him on FACEBOOK.

So here’s Miles… (more…)

I am learning that one of the most effective strategies in parenting is to give your kids everything that they want!  I know that this goes against all fundamental parenting advice since the creation of the world.  I know that many of you think that this will raise up arrogant and selfish punks.  But I believe that when the “give kids everything they want” clause is invoked at just the right time it can yield a life changing harvest if parents can just stick with it and do as their kids say.

For example…

“Dad, I just want to be a normal kid”: Jodie and I work hard to raise our kids to be WEIRD.  I wish I had come up with this concept, but I have to credit my friend, mentor and pastor Craig Groeschel.  You can read about it in his new book called WEIRD, because normal isn’t working.  So one day after school one of my kiddos came home complaining, “Dad, I just want to be a normal kid?”  So Jodie and I decided to let him be a normal kid.  I disappeared for just a brief period of time since many kids live in divorced households, we over-scheduled him to the point of exhaustion since most parents do this to their kids and we stopped praying, giving advice and saying I love you since many “normal” households don’t do this much anymore.  I must say that after a short period of time, he decided that he didn’t want to be normal anymore.

“Dad, I don’t want to mow lawns anymore”: I remember one time when my son came home complaining (for the thousandth time) that he didn’t want to mow lawns anymore.  Jodie and I believe in developing a strong work ethic in our kiddos from a very young age so we decided to help my son start his own lawn business.  He had about 4 to 5 yards and was making good money, but every time he had to mow he complained and kept saying, “I just don’t want to mow lawns anymore!”  So Jodie and I decided to grant his wish and give his lawn business to his siblings.  The catch was that Jodie and I still believe in creating a work ethic so we demanded that he go out, get applications and start to interview at places like fast food joints and grocery stores.  We are in the middle of this as we speak and is one of the most painful things that Jodie and I have had to do as a parent…but we are giving him what he wanted, which is a lawn mowing free life.  I guess he started to come to grips with his request and before he has started to pursue other jobs he came to me and said, “Dad, I have changed my mind!  I want my lawn business back; I realized I don’t really have it as bad as I thought.”  Jodie and I are deciding how to move forward on this one, so your prayers would be appreciated.”

“Dad, I hurt my arm and I can’t help around the house”: Recently, my youngest came to Jodie and I and told us the he can’t help with his chores around the house because his arm still hurts from a skating accident.  Now to his defense, he did hurt his arm pretty bad but he seems to play the “injury card” anytime work is involved.  Jodie and I, as you can guess, believe in every kid sharing his load around the house and helping out.  So when he came to us invoking the “injury card” we told him that we understand and that he needed to go to his room, lie in his bed, elevate his arm and ice it (15 minutes on and off) for the next two hours.  His buddy came to the door and asked if he could play outside and we said he couldn’t because his arm was hurt, a friend called and asked if he could have a sleep over but we told them he couldn’t because his arm was hurt and a friend wanted him to go swimming but you guessed it!  He can’t, because his arm was hurt.  Jodie and I decided to give our son what he wanted, plus much more!

Here are other times you might consider giving your kids what they want…

• “Mom, I wish I didn’t live here anymore”: This is a tough one, but I believe there are ways you can grant this request in a wise, lesson learning kind of a way.
• “Dad, I wish I didn’t have to put my laundry away”: I love this one!  I encourage parents to stop doing their kids laundry for a season so that they won’t have any laundry to put away.”
• “Why can’t I have my own car, I hate driving your ugly truck”: That’s fine, make them get a job and purchase their own.
• “I hate taking out the trash”: Parents that struggle with obsessive cleanly disorder, this will rock your world.  I encourage you to stop emptying the trash and let it flow over the trash can and over the pantry until your kids can’t stand it anymore.
• “I hate going to school”: Show up the next day with a handful of applications to McDonalds, grocery stores and the local waste plant and tell them they are going to have to get a job and start paying rent if they plan to drop out of school.

I encourage all parents to practice the discipline of giving their kids want!  However, I would stop this parenting style short of giving them a new car, x-box, cell phones, etc….  I think you get the idea!

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1. JAIL TIME: Several years ago I sent my son to jail.  He hit his sister and I told him when boys that hit girls, they go to jail.  I put him under the kitchen table, put a barrier around it and didn’t let him out for the rest of the night.   He has never hit her since. I learned this one from my friend Randy Coleman, he is a great family photographer if your interested.
2. NIGHT TIME CHORES: My son told me 1 million times over a 5 day period that he would mow the yard.  Guess what, HE DIDN’T.  I made him mow at nighttime with a headlamp and car lights as his guide.  When your kids continue to put it off, make them do night time chores.  Your kids will learn the lesson if you make them get out of bed and take a midnight stroll to take out the trash, mow the yard or make them get out of bed to put the dishes up…you get the idea.
3. MISS A GAME: My son is taking snowboard training from former Olympic Coaches, it is called Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club.  He continually forgets his ski pass, so this past weekend I made him miss practice.  Parents, if your kids continually forget or misplace their cleats, glove, hats, mouthpiece, dance shoes.  Teach them to remember by making them skip that practice or a game…don’t bail them out or they will never learn.
4. OLD SCHOOL SOAP TRICK: If your kids are caught lying, wash their mouth out with soap.  Old School but it still works.
5. PAY THE PIPER: My oldest son Cole struggles with being negative.  My middle daughter, who is tough as nails, struggles with being bossy (she thinks she is the boss of the world).  My youngest son Tifton struggles with sharing.  Jodie and I put 3 jars on the counter and each time they blow it (in their area of struggle) they have to PAY THE PIPER (put a dollar in).  At the end of the week, the jar w/ the least amount of money…get it all!
6. GIVE GRACE: I mentioned this earlier in the week.  I am mentioning it again, hoping that it sticks.  There are times when our kids really blow it and all the discipline they need is love.  Really!  IF their attitude is right, give them grace and irrationally forgive and wipe away the punishment.
7. YOU HAVE TO CRY: If your kids are throwing fits…”Tell your child to go to her room to continue her fit. She isn’t allowed to come out and she has to keep crying for 10 minutes. Ten minutes is an awfully long time, and it’s no fun if your parents tell you to cry.”  Taken from Lisa Whelchel’s book, “Creative Correction“.
8. COLLABORATIVE WINDOW CLEANING: I just got this one in from my friend Jennie Poppenger, btw…she is a social media & marketing expert if you need help in this area.  She said “if your kids are bickering, make them wash opposite sides of a window at the same time. They can’t help making faces at each other and pretty soon they’re laughing!”
9. LET THEM DECIDE: I am notorious for bringing this one to the table.  I let my kids choose their own discipline.  Why?  I trust them and they typically have a pretty good idea what punishment fits.
10. HEAD GEAR: This is the worst punishment any kid could have!

Join the conversation:  Would love to hear some of your creative discipline ideas.

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I don’t pretend to be a great source of wisdom on this subject of discipline, nor do I pretend to know what is best for you and your family, but here are a few things that I hope you will take into consideration when disciplining  your children…

If you missed Part 1 of “Are You Confused About Spanking”,   you can catch it  HERE…

• FEAR BASED PARENTING IS CHILD ABUSE: Parents all over the world use “fear” (knowingly or unknowingly) as a tool to keep their kids in line.  Are you kids afraid to make a mistake?  Are your kids afraid to have friends sleep over?  Are your kids afraid to bring their report card home?  Are your kids afraid to speak their mind?  Do your kids (and others for that matter) walk on egg shells around you?  If so, you are abusing your kids and you need to seek help immediately.  Please contact me and i would love to help you walk through this area of your life.
• TALK TO YOUR KIDS: The joke around Team Sprad’s home is don’t let dad discipline us, he talks way too much!  Go to mom, she just gets it over with.  Here is the process I typically use when disciplining my kiddos…  1)  listen to their heart  2)  give them a chance to  explain  3)  speak truth and correct wrong thinking  4)  share “how” you will discipline them  5)  love and pray with them
• BE UNITED: This is for married parents or divorced parents, you have to present a united front.  Please help you kids understand that mom and dad are in complete agreement.  I understand this may be very difficult for you.  If you need some help or guidance in this area please feel free to contact me.
• JOIN A TEAM: Many behavioral problems come because kids are not socially connected or they are not active.  I encourage parents to make sure that your kids are active.  My boys and I are training to run a 10k together, this creates a goal for them as well as keeps them active and moving.  Help him find a sense of belonging through a sports team or youth group.
• HOLD A FAMILY MEETING: I love Rev. Run’s (the front man from RUN DMC’s book called, “Take Back The Family”.  He holds a weekly family meeting where they talk about  God stuff,  family goals, problems and achievements.  The family meetings are also a consistent time and space where everyone is together, they eat together and just share life.  These meetings are a great place to pro-actively keep the family on track.  I encourage all families to start having family meetings this week (they better be fun) and you will see your discipline problems slowly fade away.

Share Your Comments  About Discipline?

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Spanking is THE most controversial subject in parenting!

I have friends that deeply believe in spanking their kids and they have amazing, obedient, and loving kids.  I have friends that will never spank their kids and they have amazing, obedient and loving kids. I respect both families and understand the “why” behind both approaches.

I have read books from Doctor’s, Psychologist’s, Pastor’s and Theologians (this is people that know a lot of stuff about the Bible) and many of them disagree on the subject of spanking.

I look at God’s Word and both sides of the aisle believe that the Bible gives validation to their view point.

“Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”   ~Proverbs 13:24

Many parents believe that this “rod of discipline” speaks of spanking and others believe that if you dig deeper into the verse that the “rod of discipline” speaks of a shepherd’s rod and is used to gently guide and love the sheep.

I don’t pretend to be a great source of wisdom on this subject, nor do I pretend to know what is best for you and your family, but here are a few things that I hope you will take into consideration when disciplining  your children…

10 Discipline Tips…

• GIVE GRACE: I think of all the times my heavenly father should of, would of and could have punished me.  However, He simply took me in his arms, did not give me what I deserved and loved me and my heart to a place of broken obedience to Him.  For some of you my advice is to stop spanking and give your kids love, care and irrational forgiveness. (more…)

Have you ever crossed the line when disciplining your kids?

4 PROMISES TO MAKE WHEN DISCIPLINING YOUR KIDS:

• PROMISE TO DELAY DISCIPLINE: Do not discipline right away.  Parents, create a habit of delaying discipline so that you do not vomit toxic words and brutalities on your kids.

• PROMISE TO HAVE “THE TALK”: I encourage everyone to sit down with your kids and have “the talk” 1)  listen to their heart  2)  give them a chance to  explain  3)  speak truth and correct wrong thinking  4)  share “how” you will discipline them  5)  love and pray with them

• PROMISE TO DISCIPLINE NOT PUNISH: My good friend told me recently that “discipline looks to the future and punishment looks back”.  Don’t punish your kids, but look forward and lay a strong foundation for the future.

• PROMISE TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY: God’s love for us is not dependent upon our behavior.  We are all jackwagons and will make mistakes, but he still loves us, is present and doesn’t turn his back on us or give us the silent treatment as punishment.  Parents, our kids are going to blow it big time!  However,  we must not withhold our love, heart and acceptance from our kids when they make mistakes.   We are called to love them unconditionally just as God has loved us.

Do you have anything to add to the discipline conversation?

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