EpicParent.tv – Honest • On the Edge • Creative Parenting

You have seen the outrageous headlines!!!

“Mother of 5 methodically drowns all her kids and calmly calls 911″

“Dad kills his 3 kids in a hotel room as a result of custody battle”

“Man kills wife, 3 kids and himself after getting fired”

Most parents will NEVER shoot, stab or drown their kiddos!  Instead, we choose to inflict a more socially acceptable form of death!

5 WAYS EVERY PARENT KILLS THEIR KIDS…

• FAST FOOD: I was a fast food kid growing up and in turn I have passed this wonderful gene/disease on to my kiddos!  Team Sprad is working this summer to correct this, but the harsh reality is that I will be an accessory to my kids death simply by the foods I teach them to eat!  Yale University says that 84% of parents surveyed fed their kids fast food at least once in the past week.  Childhood obesity stats reveal the stunning fact that almost 60% of children in America are obese children.  Parents, are you introducing deadly eating habits to your kids?

• JESUS – LESS: I don’t think that Jesus – less is a word, but when parents focus on JESUS LESS the result will be kids that walk away from faith and this will carry from generation to generation.  If you looking for resources on how to impact your kids for Christ, check THIS out.

• PUSHY PARENTS: I dream of a day when my kids simply go to school, watch a little Tom & Jerry, do a little homework, play Twister, read their kids Bible and go to bed.   More and more, kids, just like mom and dad,  are over scheduled, over worked and over loaded!  Kid’s lives are full of baseball, dance, swim, chess, church stuff, piano, honors and scouts!  All in the same week!  I don’t think the problem is with the kids, but with PUSHY PARENTS!  We live in a world where some parents push their kids out of their own ego’s, but most parents simply want their kids to have an advantage in life.  I love what  Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., the leading expert on over scheduled children has to say…  “Parents need to relax. Slow down. Activities are fine, but don’t go over the top. Research says that what children need most are relationships, not activities,” says Rosenfeld. “Focus on building meaningful relationships with your children, not becoming their chauffeur.”

• WORKAHOLIC PARENTS: Remember these lyrics…

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

• PUT YOUR KIDS FIRST: If you want to raise selfish, arrogant, life is all about them, punk kids…then put them first!  Your kids need to know that they have A place in your life, but don’t take THE place in your life.

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I recently did an interview with Elevate Radio 4 Women, the topic was HOW TO IMPACT YOUR KIDS FOR CHRIST.  The host’s of the show are Terilee Harrison and Marlia Cochran.  These gals are amazing and have a passion to see women “elevate” their life.  I wanted to share with you the content of the interview, I hope you all are challenged to step it up when it comes to impacting your kiddos for Christ!

• AVOID HYPOCRISY: I believe parents must give themselves a spiritual litmus test.  If parents aren’t living what they “preach”, spiritual erosion will set in.
• RIGHTEOUSS DISCIPLINE: Parents have an opportunity to show their kids Christ every time they discipline their children.  If they discipline out of anger they will lose spiritual equity with their children.  They will build spiritual equity if they discipline in a spirit of love.
• MISSIONAL LIVING: One of the greatest ways that parents can impact their kids for Christ is practice missional living.  I encourage all parents to visit nursing homes, serve in one day micro-missions, serve in a homeless shelter or visit a foreign country on a mission expedition.  This will radically impact and transform your kids’ lives.
• SACRIFICIAL LIVING: We live in a world that is all about us and as parents we have trained our kids that life is all about them.  Much of our kid’s time is focused on their Xbox, sports, grades, music, face book and friends.  My son has started his own lawn business and we have led him to find someone who needs his help and mow their lawn for free.
• GIVE UP SOMETHING THEY LOVE FOR SOMETHING THEY LOVE EVEN MORE: This is something my good friend Craig Groeschel has taught me.  My kids love sports, fishing, rock climbing, cheer and friend time.  As parents, I believe that we should teach them to give us something they love, for something they love even more which is Jesus.  We must begin to prioritize Jesus and create intentional time in our day to develop our kids spiritually.
• CREATE A SUMMER PLAN: Team Sprad will have a summer spiritual focus.  Jodie and I are talking about what we want to teach our kids throughout the summer and we are developing a spiritual plan.  This plan will include weekly reading, family discussion, serving activities, journaling exercises and book that they will read on their own.
• MENTORING: I had a conversation with a friend this week and asked him if he would spend some intentional time with my son this summer.  My daughter also has a spiritual mentor, Riley Good,  who will be a freshman in college this fall.  They email, talk and message on Face book.  I want my kids to spend time with spiritual mentors and see the different flavors of following Jesus.
• RITE OF PASSAGE: My son turns 13 this summer so I have created a rite of passage weekend for him.  I will be taking him camping, hiking and fishing for 2 days and will have 3 other men that will speak life to him and encourage him spiritually.
• IMPACTING LOCAL CHURCH: I strongly believe that the local church can be a significant influence in our kids’ lives.  As a matter of fact, I have several friends that have left churches that they love to attend a church their kids love.
• GIVE IN: Last month one of my kiddos woke up and decided that he didn’t want to go to church that day.  He proceeded to tell me that he was sort of tired of it and just wanted to take a weekend off.  I told my son that I thought that was a good idea and that he should just take some time off.  Most parents would be appalled and tell me I have lost my mind.  I think that parents should learn to “give in” more often; many times this will give you a significant platform to speak into your kids’ lives.  The reality is that it is not all about church but all about Jesus.

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This week @ EpicParent we are in a series called “5 Things”.

Today we are looking at…

5 THINGS EVERY YOUNG LADY NEEDS FROM HER MOM

• JESUS: So many moms show their daughters that they love beauty, fashion, screaming (not all moms), a clean house, working out and face book more than their daughters.  I believe that moms MUST re-prioritize their lives and show their daughters that they love Jesus more than them or anything else in their life.  That’s right mom!  Your daughters must know without a shadow of a doubt (old churchy language) that you love Jesus more than you love your very own flesh and blood.  Model this you will raise a young lady that makes Jesus #1 and her husband #2.

• YOU: Mom’s, the greatest gift, next to Jesus, that you could ever give your daughters if the gift of “you”.  My wife has been in nursing school the past few months and I was determined to keep a clean house, good meals, folded clothes and run an efficient household.  My focus became PROVIDING FOR instead of BEING WITH.  Ladies, the reality is that when your daughters are grown and into the next season of life they will not remember having clean socks, an immaculate kitchen or good meals.  They will remember the “Gift of You”.  They need your PRESENCE not your PRESENTS.

• THE GIFT OF NO: Your daughters need you to tell them “NO”!  They need you to tell them, “No, you’re not dating at such a young age”, “No, you’re not wearing that outfit”, “No, you will never talk to your dad that way”, “No, you’re not watching that show”, “No, you can’t spend the night with that family”, “No, you are not ready to go to the school dance”, “No, you’re not staying home from church again”, “No, you will not talk to your brothers that way”, “No, you’re just not allowed to see that movie” and “No, your dad said you can’t get married until your 38″.  The reality is that we live in a world where moms try really hard to be their daughter’s friends.  I understand and agree with this parenting style to a degree, the truth is that young ladies need mom’s and they need them to say “NO”!

• AN EXAMPLE TO MODEL NOT A SERMON TO FOLLOW: This is from my good friend Kate Holzman, who has the most Godly balanced parents on the earth!  This statement is so true!  Your daughters need a mother that will model modesty, love, patience, low volume discussions, a missional lifestyle, purity, true beauty, and the list goes on!  Mom’s, MAKE YOUR LIFE SPEAK SO LOUDLY THAT YOUR DAUGHTERS CAN HEAR WHAT YOU SAY!

• MAN HONORING MOM: I encourage all moms to build up their husbands in front of their daughters.  I love it when Jodie tell Kylie how much she loves me, why I work so hard, that I am a stud, that no one can speak like her dad, that I am the best father in the world, that I love Jesus more than anything else in my life and that I am the best dancer in the state!!  (This is a Team Sprad insiders joke…maybe I’ll explain it in a later post).  We need more moms’ that will honor, respect and speak life about their husbands.  I know that this will ignite a fire storm for some of the ladies reading today.  Some of you might be thinking, “If he honors me, I will honor him”, “give me something to honor first” or “if he stops working so much I might consider it”.  If you are living in a bad home life situation or your husband is outright abusive (mentally, physically or emotionally) I encourage you to seek counsel and immediate help for your situation.  This post is not for extreme situations but for everyday and ordinary folks!

What did I miss?  What is one more thing all moms need to give their daughters?

Would you like to receive Epicparent’s newest posts by email?  If so, click HERE or to add it to your reader click HERE.

This week @ EpicParent we are in a series called “5 Things”.

Today we are looking at…

5 THINGS EVERY SON NEEDS FROM HIS FATHER

• JESUS: So many fathers show their sons that they love the deal, TV, money, women, work, cell phones and their son’s success more than they actually love their sons.  I believe that fathers MUST step up to the plate and show their sons that they love Jesus more than them or anything else in their life.  That’s right dad!  Your sons must know without a shadow of a doubt (old churchy language) that you love Jesus more than you love your very own flesh and blood.  Model this and you will raise sons that will raise the bar and make Jesus the ruler of their life.

• BE A BOY: I just asked my oldest son, “Cole, what is one thing that you need from your dad?”  He paused for a second and blurted out “dad, you just need to learn how to be a boy!!?!”   “Dad, sometimes I just need to see you open the fridge, pull out a gallon of milk and chug it!  No cups!  No manners!  Just do it like a boy does it!”  ALLRIGHTY THEN… So, in case you didn’t know, Team Sprad loves to ride dirt bikes!  We love the helmets, sweat, the smell of exhaust and the ear piercing scream of a two stroke engine!  So a couple of years ago I grabbed my kiddos, their friends, our dirt bikes and we had the very first Team Sprad Mud Bowl.  We rode our bikes, wrestled and laughed in the mud.  Dad’s, sometimes we need to lose the manners, the tie, those ugly black socks you swore you would never wear and just be a boy!!

• TEACHING TIME: Dad’s, your kids need you to take the time to teach them.  Take the time to teach them how to pump the gas, shoot a jump shot, make a game winning chess move, drive a car, risk taking, how to treat a lady, build a picnic table,  shaving, make an omelet, the value of a dollar, ask a girl for a date, start a lawn business, to dance (HA!), to grill meat, that limp wristed handshakes are…, make a duct tape wallet, clean the house, help with laundry, about sex, to use a bow and how to spit like a man!  I encourage all dads to make a list of “what” you need to teach your sons and get started.

• THE HARD WAY: The summer of my oldest son’s fourth grade year, I did the unthinkable!   I made him get a job!  That’s right!  A job!  Cole worked at a friend’s ranch Monday – Thursday, 8AM – 12PM.  He learned to drive a golf cart, feed the animals, saddle a horse, ride in a cattle drive, wash the horse, pick up poo, clean the stable, speak Spanish, and the list goes on…  The sad thing is that Cole never got paid a dime!  Not a dime!  He worked all summer, “thinking” that he was doing it for free.  However, at the end of the summer I put a $350.00 check in his hand and told him, “work hard son, always do your best and you will get paid!”  Are you a father that has chosen “THE EASY WAY” for your boys?

• YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES: Last weekend my son had a basketball tournament in Denver.  He played about 5 hours of hoops and did a great job!  He is no Sprad Senior, but he’s pretty good.    Cole ran up to me as soon as the last game was over, sweat running down his face, smelling like recess, he looked me in the eyes and said, “Dad, how did I do!?!”  He was really asking, “Dad, do you think I have what it takes?”  Fathers, our boys desperately need our affirmation, belief and they need to hear us say, Son, I believe you have what it takes!”  Fathers, do you withhold your approval?  Give your boys the silent treatment?  Act as if they are never good enough?  Expect perfection?

What did I miss?  What is one more thing all dad’s need to give their boys?

Would you like to receive Epicparent’s newest posts by email?  If so, click HERE or to add it to your reader click HERE.

This week @ EpicParent we are in a series called “5 Things”.

Today we are looking at…

5 THINGS EVERY SON NEEDS FROM HIS MOM

• JESUS: So many moms show their sons that they love control, money, working out, fashion,  facebook, their careers or their daughters more than they love their sons .  I believe that moms MUST step up to the plate and show their sons that they love Jesus more than them or anything else in their life.  That’s right mom!  Your sons must know without a shadow of a doubt (old churchy language) that you love Jesus more than you love your very own flesh and blood.  Model this and you will raise sons that will not settle and will search high and low for a woman that loves Jesus!!

• THINK CAVEMAN: Thanks to babble.com and shine.yahoo.com for this content!  I couldn’t say it any better!!  “Adult women have thousands of emotional states, as do girls like my daughter. Boys, on the other hand, tend to feel one of three: mad, sad, happy. Don’t project your complex emotional life on your son. His issue of the moment might not be that complicated. He wants to eat, poop, or run. On a really bad day he wants his toy back after some other kid took it from him. He doesn’t want to stare out the window and have lengthy discussions about the meaning of life, as my eight-year-old daughter often did.

• LET HIM FRIGGIN DO IT: I don’t think “friggin” is a word but it is better than the alternative!  Mom’s, I want you to know that you are handicapping your boys when you don’t let them “friggin” do it.  Let them pick out their own clothes, let them feed themselves, let them make their own lunch, let them pump the gas, let them make the skate ramp, let them fart, let them make the fort in the house that takes every blanket & chair, let them mow the yard, let them choose the best way to study,  let them choose their girlfriend or spouse for that matter (novel idea) and when they do get married, let them choose where they want to spend Christmas.  Mom’s please don’t “DO” everything for your boys!  Allow them to choose, fail and figure it out!

• SAFETY: Dad’s can be tough on their boys, pushing them to succeed, run faster, draw better, throw harder and be smarter.  My boys need their mom to be a safe place.  A place where they can share their thoughts on dad’s intensity, a care taker when they are sick with lots of TLC (not the band TLC), to rescue them when deadlines hit, a janitor when the vomit hits the floor in the middle of the night, to pick up their confidence when a sassy chic dumps them and to love them, give them grace and believe in them when they are down in the dumps.  Are you a safe place for your boys?

• BELIEF: I was speaking to my mom on the phone last week and she spoke life deep into my soul.  She told me that I was an amazing father, strong speaker, great writer and phenomenal husband (doing all that I did when Jodie was in school).  I don’t tend to believe all of this, but what I do know is that when no one else does, my mom always believes in me.  Mom’s, your boys need you to believe in them.  They need you to believe in their character, jump shot, grades, decisions and that they have what it takes.

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This week is the “5 Things” week @ EpicParent.  We will be looking at…

• 5 Things Every Daughter Needs From Dad
• 5 Things Every Son Needs From Mom
• 5 Things Every Son Needs From Dad
• 5 Things Every Daughter Needs From Mom

So, let’s get started…

5 THINGS EVERY DAUGHTER NEEDS FROM HER DAD

• JESUS: So many fathers show their daughters that they love sports, work, hunting, television and their cell phone more than their daughters.  I believe that fathers MUST step up to the plate and show their daughters that they love Jesus more than them.  That’s right dad!  Your daughters must know without a shadow of a doubt (old churchy language) that you love Jesus more than you love your very own flesh and blood.  Model this and you will raise daughters that love Jesus more than any hairy legged, non deodorant wearing, and farting boy!!

• ACTIONLESS APPROVAL: Show your daughters that your love and value for them has absolutely nothing to do with their success or doing stuff you approve of!!  I do a great job at giving Kylie my approval when she hits the softball, makes good grades, is respectful to adults and tells the non deodorant boys NO!  However, I am learning to give Kylie what I call ACTIONLESS APPROVAL.  I am learning to intentionally give Kylie love, winks, praise and flowers simply because she is Kylie.

• GET TO KNOW HER: So many young ladies graduate from High School and their father has never taken the time to truly get to know their heart.  Honestly, this is sickening!  Stupid!  Sinful!  Shall I go on?  This is from my friend Zane Hatch, he said “It’s so easy for fathers to try and fix our daughters and help them through life, but we need to practice the discipline of simply getting to know her.” I agree!  Fathers we must get to know their heart, passions, gifts, loves, hates, friends and hurts.  When is the last time you have asked your daughters what their dreams are?

• LOVE FOR MOMMA: Men, our daughters need to see us to fall deeply in love with their mothers.  I need my daughter, Kylie, to see me respect, honor, date, hold, speak life, sacrifice for, serve, dance with, laugh with, cherish, prioritize as well as deeply and intimately love her mother.  Fathers, it is our job to show (not just tell) our daughters what a Godly marriage should look like.  Men!!  Again, it is time for us to step up to the plate!  Don’t settle for a lifeless, boring, absent, and sex without intimacy driven marriage.   If your marriage is struggling, I encourage you to contact me now!  EpicParent has several counseling partnerships we can connect you with.

• TEA PARTIES, DATES & PEDICURES: One of my daughter’s fondest memories is when dad would give her a pedicure.  That’s right!  Dad was the one that did his little girls toes.  My friend Melissa Gordon’s husband sits down with his daughter and has tea parties.  If your daughter is older I encourage all dads to intentionally and strategically date their daughters.  All dads should ask their daughters out, open their car door, pull out their chair, have meaningful conversation over dinner and make them pay the bill! (JK)  If you want your daughter to date a God honoring, respectful considerate young man (when she is 34)  then you should show them what this looks like and how they should behave.  So many fathers WANT to do this, but rarely prioritize this.  Again!!  Step up to the plate.

I know that there are thousand’s I have left off.  Please leave a comment and share your top five.

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Several years ago my youngest son, Tifton Jack Hammer, woke up and was a disgruntled monster!!  He was irritable!  Angry!  And on the edge!  Jodie and I scrambled to make him feel more comfortable!  We fixed (that’s right…fixed) him warm bottles, binkies (pacifires)  and fixed his favorite smushed green peas (the kind in the jar)!

Tifton was not just a “disgruntled monster”, the harsh reality was that  Tifton was extremely sick and had a flesh deteriorating staph infection called “scalding water syndrome”.  Tifton’s skin seemed like it had been burned by scalding water!

We rushed him into the hospital, they hooked him up to meds and all we could do was wait!  I will never forget one night when the Doc came into our room and said…

“Tifton, is a pretty sick little boy and you guys need to be prepared that he might not make it out of this.”

Jodie and I were shocked!  We had nothing to say, just silence…

As the Doc left, Jodie and I just cried!  We weeped, fearful that we might loose the JackHammer, what would life be like without him?

I immediately fell on my face and began to pray!

I prayed a MY SON’S NOT GOING TO DIE PRAYER!!!

a God stand up NOW prayer!!!

a God let’s shake heaven & rock hell prayer!!

A faith filled, God WILL come through, split the Red Sea and feed the 5,000 prayer!

When was the last time that you prayed a God let’s shake heaven and rock hell prayer for your kids?

We live in a sick world where the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy you kids!

When is the last time that your prayed, REALLY prayed and asked Jesus to move heaven and earth for your kiddos?

and btw…God came through and the JackHammer is still with us today!!

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