*photo courtesy of stockfreeimages.com
Since so many of you are new to EpicParent…
I decided to go retro with today’s post.
We’re pulling from the archives!
That’s right baby, going back to 2010 and talking about the tongue!
Here we go…
So what the heck is Yelling Parent Syndrome?
Parents that can’t shut the heck up.
Parents that choose to turn the volume up instead of down.
Parents that get frustrated and discipline with a verbal lashing of the tongue.
So…
If you can’t tell…we’re talking about screaming and hollering today.
You may not have yelling parent syndrome, but I know that there are some of you that wish you could bring your tone down a few decibels.
The tough part about bringing the volume down is that our kiddos give us a ton of good reasons to yell!! (can I get an AMEN)
HERE ARE A FEW GOOD REASONS TO YELL…
- When your kids don’t put away their clean clothes the first 9 times you ask.
- When your oldest keeps pestering the youngest, until tears emerge.
- When your kids have Skull Candy’s shoved in their ears & have RATT (round & round) blasting on their Ipod!
- When your kids run around the house screaming, dancing, chasing each other with plastic bats, playing dodge-ball, jumping from couch to couch & they pop you in the eye with an air soft pellet!!!!!
Although we have thousands of great reasons to yell, the reality is that it hurts our kid’s hearts, scare’s them, scars them, gives birth to anger issues and over time they will typically yell back and this can create a generational cycle.
6 TIPS TO TEMPER YOUR TONE:
- Ask 3 of your closest friends to pray for you.
- Gather your kids (little ones to teens), tell them you want to work on your tone, give them permission to somehow let you know when your tone is escalating (hand signal ~ i don’t recommend the bird).
- Have a close friend keep you accountable, a quick phone call each day to check in on you.
- Remember the look of fear in your child’s eyes while yelling at them…know that you put it there.
- Your going to blow it, simply ask for forgiveness (each time).
- Run to your room, lock the door, crawl under the bed and stuff a sock in your mouth!
Do you struggle w/ your tone? If so, share your story…
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I’ve seen this yelling business in person. (not from me) They scream, cuss, drop the G.D. word, slap them in the face (“cause their butts are too soft “). And they wonder why their children do not obey and respect them.
Thanks Chris for the reminder(S)…Great timing. Last night I went to talk with my youngest daughter in her bedroom. Found out she lost her AR Reading book (book report due this Friday) and her cell phone. She was angry that I brought this up to her and I reminded her that this was our hard earned money and she did not like that. So being calm I reminded her that there is nothing she owns and then up from the sheets came this foot aiming directly for my face (LOL). Several attempts before my hand found her tailhand and my face was red and the yelling started. She cried all night and I feel terrible that I did not control my part of the situation. Do I apologize? Take her out for Ice Cream? Buy her a new cell phone (NOT) or what?? Two teenage daughters, female cat, female dog and now I get PMS ALL and I’m not joking, at the same time.
Apologizing and taking her out for ice cream or spending special time together helps for a daughter. Even when she is fighting back or PMSing on you, I can almost guarantee she is crying out for attention from you. Also, I’m not sure if you’ve done this or not, but daughters LOVE their daddy’s and if we heard a genuine yet simple “I’m sorry for ….” that would probably make her day. I know for me as a daughter, when my dad spent time with just me or took me on daddy/daughter dates….when he told me he loved me and how pretty he thought I was…when he said he was sorry when he did boneheaded stuff….that rocked my world. It made me feel more free to be me with him and open up to him about who I really am inside.
Hey Chris. LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog! Curious on Christmas ideas. Thoughtful, Christ centered, encouraging….what are your thoughts??
I used to be a yeller, then we got a yell jar for the family. Who ever yelled had to put a strip of paper with their name on it in the jar. At the end of the month, whoever had the least amount in the jar won a prize! It worked well to tone down the yelling in the family.
I try very hard to be patient with my kids. Sometimes it all comes down to how hard and trying my day has been and how much they seem to be begging for the wrong attention. I try to wait the 9 times after I’ve asked, but sometimes I’m just not as patient as I would like to believe I can be. There have been a few times where I can visibly see it crush their spirit and I feel awful and try to calm down and apologize and explain why mommy got so upset. Sometimes I just plain can’t think of an alternative option that would be effective. I know my parents were yellers. I also know that I’m a control freak and don’t want my kids to become like many of the kids that I work with in high school nowadays. I just don’t want that to squelch who they are and that they can be themselves with their mommy.
I dont know here. I am told that I yell all the time, even when to me I am speaking in a normal tone that i use with people I am comfortale with. I am very shy with people i don’t know and very passive. When i am comfortable with someone i do no dothis. Anyway this is supposed to be about being a parent. I need advice here weather I am yelling or not. When abril is crying in one of those can’t stop make him happy times. I sayhis name very loudly to ovrcome his cry and very firmly. To me this is getting his attention to try to get him to stop crying and know that i am rigt the trying to ge his attention. Is this th start of this problem. That is posted here. The yelling I have done in front of Gabriel which is not cool anyway,was not directed at him. or anyone else the yelling has mostly been screaming for help cause i’m not being heard, or ay least there is no response from this individual when I am asking for help. ike I’m trapted in a sound proof room or something. I need praers or that. please. I’m sorry if this doesn’t fit here, but i gotta let this go.
I don’t always agree with your posts, but this was dead on, way to go!
Hey Chris
I agree with ya. I am working really hard on toning down my voice. I have been trying the talk softly things to try to get her to listen to me. Then she yells at me telling me I am not talking loud enough. I simply reply….this just means you have to listen more carefully. Doesn’t always work for us, but we both are working on it.
I have given up on the yelling thing. It truly doesn’t work with my daughter. She yells. But I tell her I am going to walk away until she can talk with me calmly. Then after a few, it’s a bit easier to talk.
Thank you Chris for another awesome post.
sorry you’re walking through this Julie. You might try some duct tape.
just being ridiculous!! I am praying for you guys as I write this.
I will admit that I am a yelled and a screamer and I DON’T LIKE IT ONE BIT!!! I am trying so hard to change. I have a 4 year old boy who gets the brunt of it. His behavior is challenging for me. I have tried all sorts of discipline from time out to spanking to walking away when he trows fits etc. I finally lose it and yell. He is perfect when at school and church but home is a different story. My lifegroup is praying for me and checking in to see how we are doing. This week had been wonderful, he has behaved very well and I haven’t raised my voice until today. We still have a long way to go. God has some big plans for my little guy and I can’t wait to see what it is but until then. I pray that I can shape him into the person God desires.
love your transparency Debbie. I think I am most excited that you are accountable to your life group. awesome stuff.
Hi, I am guilty of yelling parent syndrome. I really didnt realize how much it was hurting my kids until I read this post. I have 5 of them but the one this really hit home with is my 12 year old son. He has gotten to the point where he can not have a conversation without argueing, yelling, and being defensive. It is effecting every aspect of his young life. For weeks now I have been racking my brain as to why he is like this and how I can help him. This article made me step back and realize what Ive been doing to him and now I know how I can help him. It will be hard( I grew up being yelled at in both my mom and my dads homes) but I have to keep my tone even when he is pushing all of my buttons. Thankyou so much for this article it was an answer to my prayers, and hopefully this change will bring some much needed peace to my home.
So glad this post spoke life to you Jenny. If there is anything I can ever do for you, don’t hesitate to ask!
this is something I’ve struggled with a lot as a mom. I had screaming parents and it only seemed natural that I followed suit. Worked for me. Or did it? Not so much. . .I do notice the glaze in my kiddo’s eyes when I raise my voice and yell. I’ve even notice that it doesn’t make any difference anymore, like it’s my normal tone. I don’t in any way want to think that it’s normal. If anyone else was talking to them that way, I would tell them to walk away. Why should I have the right to speak to them disrespectfully and then demand that they not yell at others. I love all of the tips here. Getting some friends on board to pray is huge. I loved them all. I’ve been working on this for awhile and just waking up every morning and praying about it myself has been the biggest help. I find myself resulting to whispering instead sometimes. Believe it or not, they listen better that way!
This is an awesome “retro” post.
thanks for piping in Michelle! stoked to have you on the team…
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