Don’t Be Surprised If Your Kid Is A Cutter
Is Your Kid A Cutter!!?!
Before you answer, listen up…
Last year I was the speaker at a youth camp and I was blown away at all the tragedy, hurt and pain that these kiddos were going through. And these kids were “good kids”. They were trying to follow Jesus, live in community with other Christian kids, home schooler’s, public schooler’s, Christian schooler’s, youth group kids and kids with pretty strong families.
As the camp week progressed, I was absolutely shocked! The one common thread that connected many of these kids was cutting!
Yep!! That’s right.
All kids, all ages, boys, girls and sponsors.
Of course not all of them were, but the percentages were shockingly high.
So I ask the question again…
Is Your Kid A Cutter!!?!
Don’t be too quick to respond.
Because 99.9% of the kids that confessed to being a cutter, their parents were clueless.
Some of you might ask what cutting is…
Cutting is when a kid takes a sharp object (usually a razor blade) and cuts their arms, inside of their upper thighs as well as their stomachs. Kids typically do this to cope with pain, depression, strong emotions, divorce, intense pressure and relationship problems.
Kids will cut because there are no words to express or place to vent their emotions, fear, struggles and pain.
Yeah…It doesn’t make much sense to me either…but it DOES to kids.
One more thing you should know about cutting…
It is addictive!
It’s rare to find a kid with just one cutting mark, you will usually find 10, 20, 30 plus.
Again!!! Please remember that these kids were good kids. I also have a few friends that are dealing with this right now…with their kids. Their kids that they NEVER thought would do anything like this. Kids from “good families”.
So what are parents to do with this information…
- Open Your Eyes: Parents should look for cutting marks on your kids bodies. Pay attention to the clothes they wear. Are they wearing long sleeved shirts to cover the marks up?
- Talk, Talk, Talk: If you think there is even a remote chance that your kids are cutting, talk to your kids about it. Probe, dig, talk, love and probe some more. Your goal is to get them to come clean and confess.
- The Why: Once your kiddos come clean, start to really love them and try to understand “the why” behind their cutting. Parents, it might be best that you take a lesson from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, “Parents, just don’t understand”. You may not understand but don’t minimize the pain they are feeling.
- Get Help: I recommend that you seek help and professional counseling immediately! Please contact me and I can help you with this.
Do you suspect that your kid might be cutting?
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Please, don’t shame your kids, or go into how could you do this with them? It then forces them to go to greater lengths to hide it. I speak not as a parent of a cutter, but as a cutter myself. I started cutting when I felt like my world was falling apart. I didn’t have the words to express what was going on. One of the best explanations I have ever heard as to what cutting does from someone was this: “Imagine walking down the street with someone beside you, this person is saying horrible things, such as you’re dumb, you’re a mistake, and so on. You can’t get them to be quite, or to go away, but then you stub your toe, and for a moment, you are able to focus on that physical pain rather than the emotional torment of the person talking.” Its addicting because chemically it releases the same amount of endorphins as sex does. It literally alters brain chemistry. This is not a quick fix, this is a long road you are going to have to walk with your kids down. The amount of shame for me was unbearable. I didn’t want anyone to know. It still brings me to tears thinking about how desperate I was when I started cutting.
My 14 year old daughter is a cutter! I never knew! Never imagined! I love my daughter more than anything! She is beautiful and sweet and obedient. She loves Jesus and is active in our church and in her youth group! I thought we had an open relationship! I thought she talked to me about everything! She wore short sleve tee’s and shorts all the time (and you know how short even the most modest shorts can be these days), and I never saw what she was doing to herself except for once on her arm, and she told me she scratched it on a corner.
I thought I was diligent in keeping up with her and her friends, regulating computer time, FB, and cell phone time…apparently teens have gotten smarter on how to hide stuff, but eventually all things come into the light. This happened to my daughter and what I found horrified me, scared me to my very core for her. She had been slicing up her upper thighs! Horrible, huge scaring cuts that will always mark her. She’s been doing this for a year.
She is getting help, and as aweful as it seems, I have to check her body over to be sure she isn’t doing it anymore. I never, never, NEVER thought I would be a parent of a child that did this…a word of advice…
It could happen to anyone…even you! If it does, your going to flip out, but DONT DO IT TO YOUR KID! They need you more than they have ever needed you before! Call YOUR PASTOR! Seek out a Christian councilor for your child and one that can help guide you through this. They are going to need it, and so will you! And then pray pray pray for guidance for God. He will help you through all of the emotions you and your child will cycle through during this.
It’s hard to read a post like this and not do something..picture brings temptation..just saying.
I can identify with you Channing. I’m like the kid in the situation though but what you are saying is so true. I struggled for several years before I told someone who made me tell my parents.
Looking back even though it’s still a struggle at times I realize that it happened because I didn’t feel loved or accepted, there was a void in my life that only injury could fill. Jesus fills one void and self-injury filled the other. My counselor made my parents check me too like they are having you do with your daughter and from the kid perspective it’s hard because you never know when you’re going to get asked and are thinking of ways to have it healed by then or what part you can injure that might not get checked. The worst part is just knowing if you do it you’re likely to get found out which is good on your end and I guess on ours too.
I encourage you with your daughter, I think you’re doing what is best and what will help her. Prayer and making sure you’re really taking time to listen or do things with her that she enjoys helps too. Keep smiling!
It is something we all ned to know about but dont want to think about. Your advice is invaluable Chris. It is all about spotting the signs and keeping an open dialogue between you and your children but even then it is possible for them to hide it from you. Thank you for writing this blog.