Sex & Starbucks: How To Have “The Sex Talk” With High School Kids
High School students already know it all (at least they think they do)! Parents, our job now is to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk…and did I mention talk? Keep the lines of communication open! Specific steps on talking to your High School kids about sex…
- First and foremost, you have to have a deep relationship with your kids before they will talk…they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
- Revisit all that you have taught them
- Be open to questions, don’t be judgmental
- Ask personal questions… “how is the masturbation thing going”, “how can I help you remain pure”…this seems awkward but if you have open lines of communication you can ask the tough questions
- Encourage accountability relationships with other Godly peers
- Offer grace, love and discipline when they fail
- Have a monthly date night…show them how to treat men/women.
- Ask them about their relationships
- Be involved in the dating process, help them plan their dates…if you choose to let them date
- Quiz them about parties they attend
- Mom’s and Dad’s be involved in the conversation
- Single parents…step into these conversations with your kids of the opposite sex
RECOMMENDED RESOURCE FOR TEENS:
- I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude On Dating And Relationships
- Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity In A Lust Saturated World
What insight can you share on talking with High School Students about sex?
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My almost 16 year old daughter actually told me once, “Mom, there have been a couple times where the ONLY reason I didn’t have sex was because I didn’t want to disappoint you.” This statement was made in the middle of a discussion about how she wanted to rebel SO badly, because she was SO good all the time.
I have talked about body parts and sex in some degree or another with the girls since they were old enough to understand the words and the subject. While it’s true that it made my skin crawl the first time I said “penis into vagina” to my kids and about other forms of sex, it was well worth the discomfort because it opended up some pretty deep discussions and made for good educational/spiritual opportunities. We talk about the emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and social impact that sex has on a woman both premaritally and between a husband and a wife.
My kids are WAY less embarrassed to talk about sex with me than I am with them. They laugh at me when I cringe at the thought of my baby girls ever being THAT intimate with anyone. Sex is a gift from God for a husband and wife to express thier love and I hope they get to experience the joy of giving and receiving that gift for the first time to their future hubands.
Here’s praying!
So, here’s a question… How much is TMI for the kids to know about mom and dad in your opinion? Is it appropriate to answer the “Did you and dad do THAT? Did you like it??” questions about everything? Or would it be more appropriate to educate about sex in general and answer that what we have done in privacy is just that… private? That’s where I feel most uneasy. I don’t have a problem sharing the info, but not exactly wanting them imagining it all.