Sex & Starbucks: How To Have “The Sex Talk” With Kids in Pre-K to Early Elementary
DONT HAVE “THE SEX TALK”
I have made a vow regarding my kids and sex…I Chris Spradlin promise to NOT have “The Sex Talk” with my kids!
Weird i know!!
However, I Chris Spradlin promise to have THOUSANDS of “Sex Talks”! So many parents look at “The Sex Talk” as one isolated event. We try to cram holding hands, dating, penis, vagina, arm pit hair all into one conversation. Parents, please dont have one “Sex Talk”…but many “Sex Talks” with your kids…starting at a very young age!
PRE-K TO EARLY ELEMENTARY
Here is an excerpt from a conversation my wife had with my youngest son.
Jodie: Do you know where babies come from?
Tifton: Duh, Mom. You poop them out of your butt.
(Wrong answer, in case you were wondering.)
Jodie: God grew you in my tummy. He gave you food, water, goldfish and gatorade and you grew really big.
(Just kidding. Let’s try again.)
Jodie: God grew you in my tummy for nine months and then you were born. Do you know how you came out of mommy’s tummy?
Tifton: You pooped me out?
Jodie: No, you weren’t pooped out. You came out of mommy’s vagina.
Note: Team Sprad opts to use proper names for body parts as it’s less confusing for kids.
A great place for parents of young children to start, is to remind our children that God is the creator. God created the sky, ocean, trees, wobbegong shark and YOU!
Tifton: But how was I made?
Jodie: When mommy’s and daddy’s love each other they hug, kiss and hold each other. Tifton, did you know that when mom and dad hold each their bodies fit together in a special way and sperm from daddy’s body enters mommy’s body and you were created. So the reason you look like mom and dad is because we both played a special part in creating you!
KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER:
- The sex talk is like baggage. Only give them what they can carry, add as they can handle it. This is from my friend Natalie Witcher, you can find her at www.nataliewitcher.com
- Talk to kids early about sex, this creates a platform of trust for later years.
- Remember God is the creator! Teach kids that God created all the body parts.
- Use specific names like vagina and penis for body parts.
- You don’t talk to young kids about specifics, but you should talk about love and affection.
- Because boys and girls are different we practice modesty.
- Affirm your child’s gender
- I don’t recommend 101 Nights Of Grrrreat Sex as a birthday gift!
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES TO HELP:
- The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made
- How And When To Talk To Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach To Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character
WHAT INSIGHT CAN YOU SHARE ON TALKING WITH YOUNGER KIDS ABOUT SEX?
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Haha. My mom did the sex talk by using a medical book and telling me it all starts by holding hands…then we never discussed it again. I like the idea o having on going discussions! We started by having “privacy” when mommy is in the bathroom and I no longer wrestle with my boys. We are trying to teach the boys to repect themselves and girls! Course after that my 8 yr old just asked ms why his baby sister doesn’t have a “long thing where she pees”. Sigh!
Dumb question – I’m “ready” to talk about stuff….but don’t know how to bring it up or when…..9 year old daughter….do you just “bring it up out of the blue” or wait for that “moment.” Thoughts?
Lori, I made the time to take mine (one at a time) to get whatever treat I had in mind… frozen yogurt, starbucks hot chocolate, whatever I decided (I prefer something with a drive thru). Then told my daughter who was 8 at the time that we were going to get a treat. I just drove around & just brought it up to her. I started with: “I want to talk to you about some important things & I want you to know that nothing is off limits & you won’t be in trouble for anything you say or ask. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, I just want to talk. Tell me what you know about sex…”
If she gets quiet or says, “I don’t know”.. you may have to ask more specific questions:
Do you know what sex is?
Do you know how babies are made?
Etc….
But I have found that I can gauge their knowledge & how much they can handle by what they tell me. I try to make sure not to burden them with too much & give only what they can handle. I can add more later. Hope this helps!!!
Ok, so laughed a LOT at this post only because I can “hear” the voices. Great stuff Sprad!
WOW, as a father and children’s pastor I have to say bravo. Loved this post will be referring many a parent here. Thanks much.
Great post! I’m a father of 5 and have already “started the talk” with 2 of them. My wife and I feel like the key to this conversation is to make it an on-going conversation. It doesn’t happen one time, in one talk… its a conversation that talks place many many times. Parents need to keep their door open… and the conversation. Thanks for a great post!
~Joe
We just had our first sex talk a couple weekends ago with our oldest daughter, who is almost 7. We wanted to get to her first, before she heard anything from anyone who might give her misinformation. I found the books in the “God’s Design for Sex” series to be really helpful (we just did book 2) and the parent book that goes along with them was a big motivator and encourager for us. I know we’ll need to bring it up over and over so it becomes more comfortable for all of us, but I have no regrets for talking with her this early about the basics. Thanks for your encouragement and insight, too!
Carolyn
The “talk” I got from my mom was this:
Mom: “Emily do you know what sex is?”
Emily: “Yes. I think so.”
Mom: “Good.”
End of conversation.
Being a nurse has helped me be bold in talking to my children, but mostly I want them to hear the truth from me & not the junk they might get from their peers. Great post Chris!!!
Love this!! Just had a talk with my girls this morning about this very subject. Happens that they found a book titled “Sex and the Evangelical Teen” and were snickering about the word “sex” and how somehow that was bad. I then sat them down ages 5, 7 and 10 and explained to them that sex is good because it was created by God. I went ahead and used the correct anatomical names and explained the process and that a married couple has sex for pleasure and to create babies. Then comes the question from my seven year old “how are babies made?” I answered her question without getting into detail here but I see this as a stepping stone to many great talks with my girls regarding this subject and to informing them that boys have cooties and they must stay away from them for a very, very long time.
Love that you are stepping into these conversations!! So many parents shy away from them. I have a son in middle school and it is time for us to take the next couple of steps and have more detailed conversations…..
thanks for checking out EP!!
We are getting married over Memorial Day weekend- Sunday evening May 30, 2010. We don’t feel we need a “theme” per se… as we have the Pacific Ocean as a back drop. We are getting married at Scripp’s Forum in La Jolla and want the beauty of that to play an undeniable role in an elegant wedding! Otherwise, we’re open!! Color pallete thoughts so far? Bridesmaids will be in a dark charcoal gray, while the flower girls will present the softer “popping” color of cornflower blue. And we are CLUELESS when it comes to flowers!