Teach Your Kids To Share The Final 10%
I am a firm believer in having accountability relationships. These are relationships where you share the good, bad, and ugly of your thought life, time with God, family time, and other issues that may surface in your life.
I have had several of these over the years and I have found that in accountability relationships, most people invoke the 90/10 clause.
The 90/10 clause is where we share 90% of our lives, but we hold onto the final 10%. We conceal the final 10% because this can be shameful, embarrassing, and it’s really hard to be this vulnerable with anyone.
“The night is almost over, it will be daylight soon; let us give up the things we prefer to do under cover of the dark; let us arm ourselves and appear in the light.” Romans 13:12
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16
Many of us are concealing the final 10% but the reality of life is that freedom and life come through sharing the final 10%.
I believe that we should start teaching our kids to share the final 10%. When they are young teach them to share the final 10% with you and as they grow older create a family culture where they feel comfortable sharing the final 10% with you. If they are constantly judged, face retaliation, and walk in fear of your response, they will never be open and honest with you.
As your kids grow more independent, they may not share as much with you so I challenge all parents to teach their kids the “final 10 principle” and encourage them to build accountability relationships with other mature, God fearing kids.
Tips for kids accountability relationships:
- Same sex relationships are a must! If I must explain this one, email me.
- Open up your house for your kids to meet there. Provide grub, that’s always a draw.
- HERE are some sample accountability questions.
- Teach your kids by being honest and vulnerable with them, share your answers to the accountability questions. PLEASE USE DISCRETION.
- Last but not least…parents, the 90/10 principle will be hard to teach if your not living it out yourself.
Do you have an accountability relationship? Do you conceal the “final 10”?
If you like this post, you should read…
Cultivating Honesty In Your Kids
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Hey Chris, right on. I agree 100%
We are trying to live this out in our family. You are right to call it a family culture. We have begun this by sharing things with our kids and allowing them to listen in when Cheryl and I are having certain discussions. They know about financial situations, work issue and other things that are age appropriate. In turn they are not afraid to ask or share anything with us. Thanks for the post!
Thank you Chris for yet another great post!
I hadn’t really given much thought to instilling this in my kids but realize now just how important it is. Recently my husband and I noticed that something was off with our best friends (another couple). I asked my dearest friend (the wife) if there was anything she needed to talk about and reassured her I was there for her… really there, no judgement. She said both of them were stressed and tired (as most parents of twin toddlers are). A few weeks later she let down her walls & revealed her 10% to me. Their marriage was in big trouble. She had gotten into an emotionally inappropriate relationship with a guy at work & her husband found out. She was ashamed & embarrassed and afraid she would lose her husband. He was angry, resentful, and unsure if he would be able to forgive her. They allowed my husband and I to walk through the muck and talk candidly about this with them.
We prayed, cried, encouraged, and loved them through some tough weeks. We saw the walls come down and the journey of restoring their marriage begin with God’s help. They are now in counseling and really working at saving their marriage. I am so grateful that they let us in to their 10%.
This has jumped to the top of our priority list with our children!!!