THE BEST Advice I’ve Ever Heard On Disciplining Your Kids!!

Today’s post is from my mate Miles Paludan.  Miles is an Aussie from down under, but now lives in Edmond, Oklahoma where he is the Campus Pastor of LifeChurch.tv Edmond.  Miles has been a great friend over the years!  We have laughed together, walked through incredibly difficult times together, snowboarded together and plan to hit the Gold Coast together!  He is a tremendous friend, leader, pastor, father, husband and he is truly the real deal.  Miles better half is Bonnie and she is a true Saint!  And as you can see from the pic, they have 5 ankle biters (kids)!  What a great family!  It is an honor to call them friends and if you would like to connect with Miles, you can find him on FACEBOOK.

So here’s Miles…

Have you ever stood in line at the grocery store checkout and suddenly your 3-year-old becomes a monster?

His eyes glaze over, he starts salivating and he becomes obsessed with one thing only…the colorful candy at eye-level.

Uh oh. But it doesn’t stop there, now he’s grabbing candy! He’s got it in his arms, pockets and mouth.  You think to yourself, whose kid is this? You have 2 options: #1) Walk away, he’s not your kid, #2) Embrace the fight before you.  Normally as a parent we take option #2.  You start prying the candy out of their mouth, their fingers & their pockets only to hear screams of agony as you take away from your 3-year-old the colorful candy that they so desire.

Has anybody else been through this? WHY do store managers put candy at a 3-year-olds eye level? Do they enjoy watching the scene that must surely unfold daily?  I have 5 kids and have experienced this with every single one.  (I only took option #1 on one occasion…just don’t tell my wife.) The question is:  Why does this happen?

As parents, we are charged by God to raise kids that reflect Christ. This is not an easy task when children are born with that 3-letter word called SIN, but as parents we have to shape, guide and direct them. The Bible clearly talks about how discipline is part of that process. Discipline helps a child understand their sinful nature and make right decisions for them.

So how do we discipline and how much is needed?

The Bible says in Proverbs 13:24 ‘Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline.’ Careful is an important word there because every kid is different.  As parents we must be careful in discerning how much pressure to apply.

I like the analogy of a marble. Have you ever had a marble on a table? Think about it; if you want to direct that marble you have to put your thumb on top of it and move it around gently. If you don’t put enough pressure, the marble rolls of the table. Too much pressure and the marble flies off, shoots you in the eye or breaks something.  Just like a marble, your child needs pressure applied.  As parents, it’s our job to discern the right amount of pressure.

So how do we apply the pressure gently but firmly enough to guide our children?  Pressure can be applied in many ways.  It can be applied with an old fashion spanking; get one of those spanking spoons and spank their bottom.  It can be applied through a time-out, it can be applied by giving a consequence where you remove a privilege from them and it can also be applied through offering a reward.  Whatever you choose, take the time to discern the right type of pressure and how much is needed.

All too often we see parents that don’t discipline while the kid runs amuck and goes crazy or parents apply too much pressure and the kids bolt, run and rebel.  Seek God for the type of discipline you need to apply. Too little and they roll off the table. Too much and they fly out never be seen again.

Hebrews 12:6a ‘for the Lord disciplines those he loves…’

Bottom line is this: as parents it is our love for our children that causes us to discipline them. All discipline should come out of love. Just as the Lord disciplines those he loves, we too should discipline our kids b/c of our love for them.

Where are you?  Have you been applying too much pressure?  Or too little pressure?

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ChrisSprad
Author: ChrisSprad View all posts by
Chris Spradlin (AKA Sprad) is passionate about Jesus, he doesn’t drink coffee, is bald, has a chinhawk, lives in Edmond, OK., loves to fly fish and snowboard. He has been married to his smoking hot wife Jodie for 18 years and they have 3 kiddos also known as Team Sprad. Chris if the founder of EpicParent.tv and has been in ministry for 20 years. He has served as a Pastor and Team Teacher with Craig Groeschel at LifeChurch.tv and currently serves on the Executive Team and a Team Teacher at the multisite NewHopeChurch.tv. You can find Chris on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.

5 Comments on "THE BEST Advice I’ve Ever Heard On Disciplining Your Kids!!"

  1. Andrea April 27, 2012 at 9:23 am - Reply

    Miles,

    I am disappointed that you have included spanking as your first example of applying pressure to kids. The research on spanking is overwhelmingly against it. There are far more effective tools that you list to keep pressure on kids. I know this is a matter of heated debate in the Christian community, but my belief is that the rod of which this passages is much more than just a stick used to beat children. The rod was used to separate sheep from the herd, like we want our children to be separate from sin. It is about guidance and protection. It is also used to mark ones sheep as your own. While I know some will disagree, I think that it would have been wise for you to steer clear of spanking in your article. Taking away privileges, adding chores, time outs, and conversation can be more effective than spanking.

    I am not a perfect parent, but every time I read research about spanking and take that back to my Bible, I feel that not spanking is not only right, it is in complete congruence with the Word. For a good analysis on that please see http://www.freewebs.com/suffer-the-little-children/therodorshebet.htm.

    I know others will disagree, and I respect people’s choices to raise their children how they see fit, but I wish that you would have avoided endorsing and encouraging spanking.

    In Christ,
    Andrea

  2. Brenda Rogers April 27, 2012 at 3:42 pm - Reply

    This is a great article. Every child is different thats for sure. Spankings IN LOVE worked for our older son when he was young. We started out very young the minute he knew what what NO meant and it didnt take a very hard pat to get the point across. By the time he was 3 we could take him anywhere and he knew when my husband went to lift his leg pants up what was coming. So by the time he was 6 or 7 he didnt have to have very many. Now its the take stuff away now that we are in the teen yrs. Our youngest child was terrified of spankings. He would have night terrors about them and we had to stop spanking him after we realized a part of him died every time we had to swat him. Just the mear thought of it would send him into a crying terrified scene. So every child is different you have to keep trying as a parent to figure it out. Weather we like it or not…its not fun to spank. But the Bible does tell us to…In Love!

  3. Joey Espinosa April 28, 2012 at 5:39 am - Reply

    Honestly, I probably fluctuate between too much and not enough pressure, mostly in accordance with my own laziness. Grrr…

    I would disagree with Andrea above. Most of the research on “spanking” is flawed in that it generalizes things. When I look at the specific ways that spankings should be administered, with love and with gospel-oriented conversation, I have seen how great they are for training a young child (not just in my life, but in so many who have gone ahead of me).

    The article she linked contains many good points, but also some stretches and weaknesses. It is not as strong theologically as the author makes it out to seem. Quoting a bunch of scripture (most just as out of context as the ones the author points out on the other side) and KJV translations does not make a sound argument.

    Here’s my brief thoughts on spanking (not intended to be a full theological debate): http://differentway4kids.blogspot.com/2012/03/dangers-of-spanking-and-of-not-spanking.html

  4. Naomi April 29, 2012 at 7:05 am - Reply

    Gosh I think there are trimes when I have applied too much and then times when not enough. I know because of the response I get. So many factors that influence how much pressure you use and it can change from day to day – even when the message is the same.

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