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Team Sprad spent Labor Day weekend with the unparallelled, one and only Storm family!
Keath Storm and I have been bro’s since Jr. High and have been wreaking havoc ever since. As a matter of fact when we were single and in our early 20′s Keath was “talking to” a super hot chic named Jodie and I was “talking to” a chic names Angie.
So…
One year later Keath married Angie and I married Jodie!!
Love how God works His magic and makes this stuff work.
Keath and Angie have been on this parenting journey a little longer that Jodie and I, so when Keath is not being a ridiculous, hilarious, idiot we try to sit at their feet and soak up as much parenting wisdom as we can.
A few of the questions we threw at them this weekend was…
- “what age could your boys start dating?”
- “what age did you make them start working?”
- “did you buy your sons car or did you make him buy it”
- “do you have any social media/internet rules for them”
- “was there ever a time that you forced your boys to attend church or youth group”
As we prodded and probed I sat on the edge of my seat waiting for life changing sage-type wisdom.
Keath and Angie (YODA) Storm spoke and I thought I was going to puke!!
Seriously!!?!
I am looking for concrete, executable, change your life parenting wisdom that I can implement today.
Keathley’s sageish, yodaish, change the world advice was simply…
“WE HAVE NO RULES”
What the…!!?!
No Rules!
He went on to explain that he and Angie stay away from confining, legalistic, easy for “mom & dad” rules and they work very hard to parent their kiddos’ hearts. The more Keath and Angie explained…the more I agreed!
I don’t think, neither do the Storms think, that families should completely do away with rules…
However, I do think that parents should have LESS rules and more heart centered parenting!
10 TIPS TO PARENT YOUR KIDS’ HEART…
- Adapt your parenting to fit your child (reject a one size fits all mentality)
- Make a commitment to hear and understand every angle of your kids’ position
- Avoid making “what’s easy for mom and dad” decisions
- Have a strong understanding of your kids’ weaknesses and areas of potential pitfalls
- Be aware of their strengths
- Treat your child with respect and honor their opinions
- Avoid harsh discipline or verbal rants
- After teaching and fostering independence…implement RULES
- Thoroughly explain your rules and decisions
- Be consistent
What do you think? Should you have LESS or MORE rules for your kiddos?
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I think you should have rules but not too many and get your chidlrne to have some input as to what they should be.
Love the getting kids’ imput on what the rules should be! Great stuff.
Thanks for another great article Chris!! My kids seem to do best when they have some structure and they know what is expected of them. So we do have some rules about doing chores before computer, etc. However, my motto in parenting has always been “do not make something evil that is NOT evil!” In other words…don’t have rules just to have rules and don’t have stupid rules! haha! I had a friend growing up that was not allowed to wear shorts (in Texas! what?!) but she was allowed to date a 21 year old guy when she was 15. How is that consistent? Those parents definitely fell into the “dumb rule maker” category for me! Personally I think if you have too many rules (especially stupid rules such as “all country music is evil”), kids tend to rebel. I went to a Christian school where they made us sign a contract every year IN CHAPEL that said “I will not listen to rock music, country music or Christian rock.(really?)” If you refused, you had to talk with one of the pastors until they converted you! lol! This kind of thing fosters big rebellion. We figured out the system and decided to all sign the contract and just listen to whatever we wanted to. Oh and dancing was evil too. Basically, you could only enjoy your life if you were a complete fun hater. No bueno
Hey Wendy…thanks for stopping by and for always sharing the EP love! I think I went to that school as well!! That contract thing was a bit over the top. What year did you graduate?
Are you serious? Did you really go to TCS? LOL!! Well, my rebellion kicked in full force…we were founding members of the church affiliated with the school and so I had lived under that legalism and control for YEARS (and still have to free myself from that burden at times!). Sooooooooo I got pregnant at 16 (would have graduated in 87). I remember not being allowed to come back to school (which I understood) AND being banned from the school all together (I tried to go eat lunch with my friends one time and was told I couldn’t be there) because I was pregnant. I guess they thought the girls there would soooooo wanna be pregnant at 16 if they witnessed my glorious life (NOT!)! It was a super tough lesson but I am a survivor. I started college before my graduating class even graduated high school, and ended up getting a business degree from Texas A&M (less than 1% of pregnant teens finish college so I’m kinda proud of that…even though I’ve chosen to be a stay at home mom all these years!)! And best of all…my baby girl (who is now 26) ROCKS! And I learned a lot about how to parent out of love, not out of fear. I think the folks at TCS made rules based on fear..fear that we would make bad decisions if they didn’t forbid us instead of empowering us with the knowledge about how to make good decisions and “lovin’ us up” so that we would value ourselves which would help us make good decisions.
Sorry to be so long winded! I’m kinda passionate about this subject! Can you tell?
crazy that we were just talking about this and it happened to you guys today!! crazy.
Good thoughts, Chris. The least rules, the better. That being said, I’d like to get your take in about 5-10 years when your kids are in the thick of teen/upper teen life. I’d still say the least rules, the better, but the 1 or 2 rules you do have must be written in stone. In other words, choose your battles wisely and then don’t budge! Check out these posts on the subject: http://jbmthinks.com/2010/11/what-do-you-say-when-your-teenage-daughter-wants-to-dye-her-hair-pink.html/ and http://jbmthinks.com/2012/01/parenting-what-you-do-or-who-you-are.html/. Now that my kids are 19,22 and 25, there’s very few rules left except when you are home, keep the bathroom clean!
I’ll keep you posted on the teen thing! Just now entering that world.
Hey Sprad,
David and I keep an eye on you and your posting. Talked about your at the FWB convention this year cuz it was the YET renion and welll……the didn’t ask david to sing. nor you, i see! ha! Anyway…..
Wanted to join the no rules discussion. We have 5 kiddos ages 7-17. Our approach is a bit like the Storms. Each kid is different! You might set rules by kid numero uno and kids number 2 is a hellian! Or Vice Versa. You always want to leave room to give and take any previously established guidline. On the issue of curfew, it’s about who what when and where. If you are going out with a great group of kids to a specifica activity, the time is “when you are finished”. a We try to work from principles like….”come home as soon as your activity is over” . If the after church activity is eating out, let us know where you are going and text me when you leave. If it’s a late movie after the football game, then a much later time is reasonable. I know how long movies last. I can even “google” the start time if i have to! (but dont’ make me! cuz i might just show up!!) As a counselor and pastor’s family, we’ve seen lots of parents with “across the board” curfews that like 11:00 every night. But if you go for bowling and pizza and you finish around 9, then what are you going to do until eleven? …..well….we all all know what kids can get into in two hours of non-specific activity! So, come on home. get the idea. It have given them a sense of freedom, and a sense that we are flexible.
I totally agree with the idea fewer rules forces more conversation all along. Each activity and principle is taken on a “case by case” basis.
One more note….can we make some hard and fast rules and stick by them….OH YES!!! and we will if we have to!!!! But we like open dialogue, biblical guidance, and non-legalistic approach. It sems to get to the heart!
love it Angie. When I end up taking the legalistic approach I can literally see the life drain from my kiddos’ hearts!
tell the one and only Mr. David Outlaw I said hello!
I had been searching & searching for answers about why my 6yr old was so defiant and what could I do to make both our lives happier? I gradually applied bits and pieces of what I learned from epic and now , thank u jesus!!! I found that I had to pay close attention to her heart when she did things she wasnt suppose to . Love on ur kids even when theyve made u upset, by doing this ur situation changes. 9 out of 10 she just had to be taught where as before Id just discipline her. I hope this comment helps someone because I was in tears so many times because I couldnt figure her out. ~Love never fails~
Thanku so much for coming to New Hope Church in Manvel,Texas you have inspired me greatly !!!!
I LOVE THESE COMMENTS SERENA! Thank you so much for sharing how EP has changed your family.