The Silent Treatment & Egg Shells

  • If your kids don’t agree with your opinion, do you shut down?
  • Maybe your kiddos mention they don’t like church, do you retreat from the conversation?
  • Maybe they come in late from curfew, do you stop interacting with them for a couple of days?
  • Your daughter dates someone you disapprove of, do you shut them out emotionally?
  • Your kids make you mad, do you walk out of the room silently?  Just enough to gouge their heart?
  • What if your oldest doesn’t want to play football anymore, do you ignore him for a while?
  • Maybe your youngest tells you that he is gay…didn’t expect that one!!  Do you shut him out?
  • What if your kid cheats on a test or makes a bad grade?  Is your choice of discipline the silent treatment?
  • Your son plays a horrible game, doesn’t give his best effort, do you give him the cold shoulder?

What happens to your kids when you give them the silent treatment…

  • You kill their heart!
  • They will loose their true identity and try everything they can to get your approval
  • They will try everything they can to get their boyfriends approval (EVERYTHING)
  • You will cage their heart.
  • They will not be able to be themselves, they will always be feeling out your mood.
  • Your kids wont ask friends over, because there scared you will disapprove of their friends.
  • Your kids would rather you punish them and get it over with.
  • Your kids will grow up thinking they have always done something wrong.

So here is epicparent’s loving advice to parents who give the silent treatment….

STOP IT

ASK FOR THEIR FORGIVENESS

THE SILENT TREATMENT IS CHILD ABUSE

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ChrisSprad
Author: ChrisSprad View all posts by
Chris Spradlin (AKA Sprad) is passionate about Jesus, he doesn’t drink coffee, is bald, has a chinhawk, lives in Edmond, OK., loves to fly fish and snowboard. He has been married to his smoking hot wife Jodie for 18 years and they have 3 kiddos also known as Team Sprad. Chris if the founder of EpicParent.tv and has been in ministry for 20 years. He has served as a Pastor and Team Teacher with Craig Groeschel at LifeChurch.tv and currently serves on the Executive Team and a Team Teacher at the multisite NewHopeChurch.tv. You can find Chris on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.

8 Comments on "The Silent Treatment & Egg Shells"

  1. Kenny Reisman December 2, 2010 at 10:49 am - Reply

    This is great. I am amazed at the times my kids look at a facial expression of mine and ask, “are you mad at us?” They want the verbal communication, and need it. It pains me that they are trying to gauge what i am thinking just by my expressions.
    Thanks for sharing this.

  2. Lori December 2, 2010 at 11:55 am - Reply

    Good reminder…I got the silent treatment ALOT growing up and in so many places of my life I still get it. So why do I find myself doing it as well??? Thanks for this. Another moment of conviction….

  3. Caroline December 2, 2010 at 2:10 pm - Reply

    This is a great post. I grew up with the silent treatment (in addition to the guilt treatment, criticism, etc.) and can definitely relate. I hate that I do it myself sometimes so it’s a nice reminder.

  4. Lori G May 18, 2011 at 5:40 pm - Reply

    I grew up with both parents giving me the silent treatment when I did something wrong. My father was the worse. He didnt approve of my boyfriend so he gave me the silent treatment. If my dad answered a phone call that was from me he would put the receiver down and walk away. That is how I would know that the call was for me. One episode of the silent treatment lasted for over 3 months. I had no idea what I had done wrong. Our house was filled with silence. I never saw or heard my parents argue. They gave each other the silent treatment. My parents were the sweetest people and loved us but they had no idea how to deal with emotions and confrontations. I am now suffering the consequences as an adult and I have no idea how to get in touch with my feelings or emotions. Confrontation with anyone is avoided, I dont know how to handle it, it is foreign to me. My emotions confuse me. I am afraid of hurting peoples feelings and I am very much a people pleaser. I dont know how to have a healthy arguement, I shut down and the walls go up and I become silent. Silence is NOT golden. I fear that I will suffer from this affliction until the day I die. I am a sweet, loving person but communication is difficult. I am emotional but I hold the emotions back. I just want people to know that the outcome of the silent treatment is devastating. I grew up in a non-existent household and even now as an adult I feel that my thoughts, feelings and ideas don’t matter. It is a hard hole to get out of. Please share your thoughts and feelings with your children. Thank you for posting this article and reminding people of this form of abuse.

  5. Geez May 14, 2013 at 1:07 am - Reply

    Gee Dad. Maybe you should read this before giving us the stupid silent treatment? Are we really not that good enough for you? If not, then we might as well run away or something. I’m sick and tired of the cold glares and shoulder you give us EVERY SINGLE DAY. Jesus Dad, grow up. Not everything we do is going to please you, so get over it. Life has its ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean you should take that out on us. If you’re upset, go figure it out. I’m done tolerating you, just like you’re done tolerating you.

  6. Meg February 23, 2014 at 10:58 pm - Reply

    I grew up with the silent treatment pretty much being my only form of “discipline”. If I said/did something my mother didn’t agree with or made a mistake I could expect the silent treatment. It didn’t help that I was pretty much a social outcast at school so it was like a double whammy. It killed my self esteem and I would practically grovel even though most of the time I didn’t even know what I was apologizing for. Most of the times she would ignore my apology until she was ready to accept it, which could’ve been days, if not weeks. It got to the point where I would fake injury/illness in hopes of seeing just a little compassion which only worked half the time.

    Whenever it didn’t work I thought about injuring myself in a bigger way where she’d have to take notice, like falling down the stairs, getting hit by a car or getting shot. When I realized I was having suicidal thoughts between my mother and school I knew I had to let it go and just get used to the isolation. Once I moved out for college and had friends I couldn’t help being socially awkward and completely shutting down during conflict. My friends didn’t get why they always had to be the ones to invite me to go things because I was pretty much living like a shut in, I’d gotten so used to being alone.

  7. Pam UK April 17, 2014 at 10:21 am - Reply

    I am in my 40′s and was given the silent treatment ALL through my childhood, after my mum went through episodes of screaming like a banshee during an argument. After that I was ignored for days on end. I am an only child, and this behaviour actually scared me and I spent most of the time in my room crying.

    Now, I HAD to move back home as my father has alzheimer’s and I am his carer. My mother STILL behaves the same way – she will literally scream and shout if we argue, and I find myself STILL running to cry in my room – sometimes for hours on end.

    I am an only child – and I think it has made things worse. Our family – aunts, uncles, cousins live 100′s of miles away – so I can’t reach out to them. I reach out to my friends and they are supportive, but they tell me if I don’t move out – I will end up a basket case myself.

    However, I CAN’T move out. I have no savings and disabled myself. Being single – I’d have 10-15 years to wait for a council house. Plus my mum said if I moved out – basically I’d be selfish, and she would finish with me for good. (That’s not just a threat)

    She always hated my school pal and her mother, and ignored them or spoke badly of them al the time. She STILL ignores them – even both have had cancer. Not one word of sympathy from my mother. (PS: I had to LIE and sneak of to spend time with my pal when I was at school)

    The Silent Treatment has ruined my life and it is still happening to this day. I feel very isolated and unhappy (I am being ignored now after another screaming match from mum today. I Cried for hours and had to take medication from the DR to calm me down). The letters here have proved I am not alone xxx

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